Simon Blake

In the summer of 2019 Julie and I went for supper on the South Bank (remember those lovely times we could be together!). Julie's brother Roy had died a few months earlier. That night talked hard about our experiences of our brothers dying.  A month or so later I was on holiday at a health retreat. It was a place I have been to several times, and had been there shortly after my brother Andrew had died on what would have been his 46th birthday. Consequently Andrew is always on mind whenever we go back there. At MHFA England we were working with an innovation consultant Alex Pellew, and his book  The Idea in You was a holiday read (I recommend it) .  The overwhelming message I took from the book 'if you have an idea and you feel it, go for it and don't delay'. As I read the The Idea in You  I knew I wanted to use my experience of my brother dying to help others. I had felt very alone when Andrew had died and in my usual way I had tried to find things to read and wa...

This time of year I always get tense about Andrew being dead. I use the word tense deliberately even though it may be an odd word to use, but it describes how my mind feels. Since Andrew died I have had a recurring nightmare. In it I always have the chance to save him and I choose not to, or wasn't able to - it varies. Sometimes I couldn't and sometimes I wouldn't. Either way I wake up breathless, angry and upset.  Initially this happened every night, then three or four times a week and now only occasionally around his birthday and the anniversary of his death on 7th July. About two weeks ago I started having the same dream and the same feelings again.  Now familiar with the pattern of the grief I have taken to comforting myself with happy memories. Of course I wish Andrew was still alive, but the cold brutal fact is he isn't, and I want to be - and am - grateful for the fun times we had.  I am writing these for two reasons - who knows how long I will re...